Perfectionism Therapy for Moms in Irvine, Los Angeles, and California: Finding Relief from the Pressure to Be Perfect
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You know that feeling when you finally get the kids to bed and instead of relief, there’s a voice in your head whispering, “You should have done more.” That’s perfectionism talking. Even after a full day, the lunches packed, the meltdown soothed, the endless to-dos checked off. Perfectionism convinces you it wasn’t enough. You could have been calmer, more organized, more patient. And so the cycle continues, leaving you feeling behind, no matter how much you accomplished and showed up for your kids.
I see this with so many of the moms I work with. The constant pressure to do it all and do it right leaves little space for rest or joy. And perfectionism, though it sometimes looks like being “on top of it all”, can come with a heavy cost: anxiety, exhaustion, and the feeling of never measuring up.
Where Perfectionism Comes From
Many moms bring perfectionist tendencies into parenting from way back. Maybe growing up, mistakes didn't feel okay, or you learned that approval came with conditions. Sometimes it can stem from wanting to parent differently than how you were raised. For some moms, these patterns may have been easier to manage before kids, but parenting seems to turn up the volume on them.
Social and cultural pressures can also play a role. Parenting advice, social media, and comments from others can reinforce the idea that there’s a “right” way to do things. Your nervous system learns that mistakes are risky, especially when it comes to your children, which can make the pressure feel constant,
Recognizing where these patterns come from isn’t about blame, it’s about understanding why your perfectionism shows up and why it can feel so consuming.
Shifting Toward "Good Enough" Parenting
Research shows that children don't need perfect parents to form strong, healthy bonds. What builds security is having caregivers who are responsive and attuned to their child’s needs, not a caregiver who who never makes mistakes.
Kids handle our imperfect moments better than we expect. They're not keeping track of every mistake or waiting for perfect responses. What matters to them is seeing that we care and that we'll work to make things right when we mess up.
Every child is wired differently. Something that works great with one kid might fall flat with another, or even with the same child on a different day. That's normal. You don't need to get every moment right, what counts is that you're generally moving in the right direction. Chances are if you are reading this blog, you are already doing this!
How EMDR Therapy Helps Moms Shift from Perfectionism
Many moms I work with in Orange County, Los Angeles, and virtually across California find that perfectionism isn’t just about today’s decisions, it’s connected to earlier experiences. Maybe growing up, mistakes felt unsafe or led to criticism. Maybe approval only came when you excelled. Those patterns can stick and feel even heavier once you become a parent.
This is where EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can help. EMDR works by targeting the memories and beliefs that fuel perfectionism, so they no longer carry the same emotional charge. For example:
That “I’m not good enough unless I get everything right” feeling can shift into “I’m allowed to be human and still be loved.”
That anxious tension in your body when you make a mistake can ease, so you don’t spiral into guilt.
Old fears of being judged or criticized can lose their grip, giving you space to parent more from your values than from fear.
By reprocessing the root causes of perfectionism, EMDR helps moms shift from constant pressure to a more grounded and confident way of parenting—trusting themselves even when things aren’t perfect.
Ready to Shift from Perfectionism in Motherhood?
If you’re a mom in Irvine, Los Angeles, or anywhere in California through virtual therapy, you don’t have to keep carrying the weight of perfectionism alone. Therapy, whether through EMDR or somatic approaches can support you in shifting from self-criticism into a more grounded, confident, and compassionate way of showing up for yourself and your family.
If this resonates, I’d love to connect with you. Together, we can work on untangling the roots of perfectionism and helping you feel more present in your life and motherhood.
